Our kids both have a good sense of humor. It’s probably what keeps them alive. (Kidding … Sort of.)
Anyway, here is the first installment of Funny Things Our Kids Say. Feel free to add you own in the comments below.
Kid: Mommy, why did you do that?
Me: Do what?
Kid: That thing you did a medium time ago.
***
Kid: Hi, [Robert]*
Dad: Linny, my name is Papa.
Kid: I know. Hi, [Robert].
***
Kid and Cousin are in backseat of car. Kid speaks only English. Cousin speaks some English but mostly Swiss German. They are arguing. Cousin keeps saying, “Nein!” Kid, frustrated, asks Dad, “What number is ‘yes’?”
***
Kid and me driving in car …
Me: Wow, it’s raining really hard.
Kid: Yeah. [Pause.] You know, sometimes when it’s raining, it’s like I can feel it on the back of my neck. It’s weird.
Me: Dude, roll up your window.
***
Kid, Mom, Dad playing Boggle. Kid reading his word list during scoring …
Kid: cat, car, clap, klee-aught, …
Dad: I’m pretty sure that spells “cleat.”
***
Kid (4 years old at the time), takes his stuffed Sully doll into bathroom with him to pee. We hear peeing, then silence.
Kid: Mooooooooom! Sully’s wet!
***
Moments after Sully’s unfortunate lesson about what happens to apple juice after ingested by a 4-year-old boy, Sully is extracted from toilet and rushed to the washing machine. Anxious child follows, saying “Mom, we don’t wash toys!”
***
I come downstairs one morning carrying three tampons. Kid (now about 5 years old) looks at my hand and says, “Oh! I want candy!”
***
Mom and Dad are standing on staircase, kissing. Kid (now about 7) sneaks up from below …
Kid: I know what you’re doing.
Me: Really? What’s that?
Kid: It starts with “S.”
Me: Uh, ok. What’s the word that starts with “S”?
Kid: “Smooching.”
***
Kid, Mom, Dad driving home. (Kid about 5). We are playing the “Rhyming Game.”
Me: Kiss
Dad: Miss
Kid: Piss!
***
For the longest time, we had kid convinced that the ice cream truck that came around our neighborhood park was a school bus. Until:
Kid: There’s the school bus.
Dad: Yep.
Kid: What’s in there?
Dad: What do you think is in there?
Kid: Candy.
***
Kid is 4 years old and finally learning to sleep in own bed. (Don’t judge!) We tuck him in, say good night and head to our room. Just as we settle in, a little voice calls out, “But, I want to sleep in a bed with people in it!”
***
*Not Papa’s real name, no matter what the folks at Peet’s think.
ProfMomEsq 
“What number is yes?” Too cute! Out of the mouths of babes…
That’s my favorite one. I wish we had recorded it, because my son was so genuinely frustrated when he asked, it made it all the more hysterical.