Funny Stuff Our Kids Say, #2

Here’s the second installment of Funny Stuff Our Kids Say.  These mostly are “borrowed” from other folks’ kids and identities have been changed to spare the involved children the future embarrassment a Google ego search may bring. 

~~~~~~~~~~

My friend L’s parents are school teachers.  L is in eighth grade.  L, L’s parents and L’s parents’ best friends are having dinner when L asks her mother, “Mom, what’s a ’69’?”

L’s mother proceeds, at the dinner table, in front of guests, to explain – in detail – what a ’69’ is when referring to the kind of stuff you never, ever, ever want to imagine your parents doing.  Ever.

L gasps and says, “Wow.  [My friend at school] told me it was a C minus!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

L now has a son of her own, C.  When C was about 4, he decided to leave the house wearing sandals and socks.  L tried gently to explain why that might be a fashion mistake of epic proportions.  C, undaunted, insisted on the combination. 

L:  “C, you can’t wear sandals and socks together.  It looks ridiculous.”

C:  “Well, Mom, I don’t really like what you’re wearing, either.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night, J comes into his parents’ bedroom after having a nightmare.  J’s dad asks, “What was the dream about?”  J responds, “You should know, Dad, you were there!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My goddaughter, M, spent the night at my house one weekend.  She and my son, N, were playing.  They were about 3 and 5 at the time.  They got into an argument, so I put them both on time out.  A few minutes later, I asked N if he could behave himself and play nicely with M.  “Yes,” he said.  So I let him off the couch.  Then I asked M if she would behave and play nicely with N.  Silence.  So, I asked her again.  Nothing.  When I asked her the third time, N impatiently shouted at her, “M!  Just say YES!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My FB friends saw this one yesterday, but I’ll post it here again:

 Yesterday at ‎9:30 a.m., my daughter (who is 4 but whose speech is delayed because of autism) and I had the following exchange …

Daughter: Do you want chippies? (This means she wants chips.)
Me: You are not having chips at 9:30 in the morning. Pick something else.
Daughter: Chippies.
Me: Applesauce?
Daughter: Chippies.
Me: Banana?
Daughter: Chippies!
Me: Goldfish?
Daughter: Chippies!
Me: Strawberries?
Daughter: Chippies!
Me: (Holding up 4 fingers and pointing to each finger as I go) Applesauce, Banana, Goldfish or Strawberries. Which one?
Daughter: (Holding up 4 fingers, pointing to each one as she repeats her choices, pausing, then sticking out her thumb): Chippies!!!!!

Funny Stuff Our Kids Say #1

Our kids both have a good sense of humor. It’s probably what keeps them alive. (Kidding … Sort of.)

Anyway, here is the first installment of Funny Things Our Kids Say. Feel free to add you own in the comments below.

Kid: Mommy, why did you do that?
Me: Do what?
Kid: That thing you did a medium time ago.

***

Kid: Hi, [Robert]*
Dad: Linny, my name is Papa.
Kid: I know. Hi, [Robert].

***

Kid and Cousin are in backseat of car. Kid speaks only English. Cousin speaks some English but mostly Swiss German. They are arguing. Cousin keeps saying, “Nein!” Kid, frustrated, asks Dad, “What number is ‘yes’?”

***

Kid and me driving in car …
Me: Wow, it’s raining really hard.
Kid: Yeah. [Pause.] You know, sometimes when it’s raining, it’s like I can feel it on the back of my neck. It’s weird.
Me: Dude, roll up your window.

***

Kid, Mom, Dad playing Boggle. Kid reading his word list during scoring …

Kid: cat, car, clap, klee-aught, …
Dad: I’m pretty sure that spells “cleat.”

***

Kid (4 years old at the time), takes his stuffed Sully doll into bathroom with him to pee. We hear peeing, then silence.
Kid: Mooooooooom! Sully’s wet!

***

Moments after Sully’s unfortunate lesson about what happens to apple juice after ingested by a 4-year-old boy, Sully is extracted from toilet and rushed to the washing machine. Anxious child follows, saying “Mom, we don’t wash toys!”

***

I come downstairs one morning carrying three tampons. Kid (now about 5 years old) looks at my hand and says, “Oh! I want candy!”

***

Mom and Dad are standing on staircase, kissing. Kid (now about 7) sneaks up from below …
Kid: I know what you’re doing.
Me: Really? What’s that?
Kid: It starts with “S.”
Me: Uh, ok. What’s the word that starts with “S”?
Kid: “Smooching.”

***

Kid, Mom, Dad driving home. (Kid about 5). We are playing the “Rhyming Game.”
Me: Kiss
Dad: Miss
Kid: Piss!

***

For the longest time, we had kid convinced that the ice cream truck that came around our neighborhood park was a school bus. Until:
Kid: There’s the school bus.
Dad: Yep.
Kid: What’s in there?
Dad: What do you think is in there?
Kid: Candy.

***

Kid is 4 years old and finally learning to sleep in own bed. (Don’t judge!) We tuck him in, say good night and head to our room. Just as we settle in, a little voice calls out, “But, I want to sleep in a bed with people in it!”

***

*Not Papa’s real name, no matter what the folks at Peet’s think.